All of us enter a natural world filled with cooperation and harmony and security the moment we are born — maybe even before. And we are aware of ourselves, each of us, as unique beings not only physically but emotionally. Our first experience is one of a collective feeling of life-giving presence. We are part of the life force and it is part of us. We know this in the deepest part of ourselves, even as a newborn child.
So what changes? Why is all that good feeling and awareness we take for granted as our birthright then altered in our consciousness, supplanted by worry and self-doubt and resentment and a weariness of spirit? Most of all, why in our adult years do we seek to please others at the expense of our own unique, God-given being?
At the heart of it, the feeling comes to us too often and too soon that we lack something, as if we are not enough and somehow need fixing so we can be deemed acceptable, welcomed, significant.
What we do to counter this feeling most of the time is look for solutions outside ourselves, in the behavior of other people toward us. And far too often if we are rejected or spurned by people, we assume it is our fault, either consciously or unconsciously, which isn’t a good place to be. It is also a false assumption.
In truth, what other people think of us or how they act toward us has nothing to do with who we are. It is connected to their views about who they are. Our ego feels threatened, but what is really threatened is our sense of the life-force. Our inner light dims. This brings the suffering to us — but other people have not made this happen.
Hold on, you might say to me, I can prove how others behave has a direct and legitimate effect on me. Yes, that effect happens, to all of us. But how we react to it is what matters more. Why?
There is only one reason our inner light dims when we receive the negativity of other people. It is because we assume not only that they have a right to judge us, but we agree with them more often than not, at some level. We have bought into a false assumption.
Our reaction is immensely damaging to who we really are and who we are meant to be. We spend an inordinate amount of time and energy seeking to please the nay-sayers. We also seek to appease people even when they do not treat us with respect and kindness. We become emotional doormats, at the beck and call of what other people think, switching gears whenever we think we must to keep the peace so as to be welcomed, to assure ourselves we matter.
Yet here’s the thing — we react this way so often we don’t realize we are making no distinction about who we are pleasing. We have no discernment toward others.
We believe everyone else is more legitimate than we are.
You can feel your inner light dimming with that very thought. You can sense the weariness of your heart and mind and soul take hold of you when you think this way.
What must you do? You can shift your awareness completely. It isn’t difficult, as I’ll describe. But it requires this — that you want it so. No one can make this happen for you except your own personal will and desire.
Our tendency is to be afraid to speak our truth because we might alienate others, or fail to fit in. So we deny ourselves the freedom to be who we are.
We forget our uniqueness. We ignore the truth that no one else will ever step foot on this earth who is exactly like us.
No one ever will exist as you are, in your essential body, mind, and heart. Your talents and gifts will never be owned and lived in exactly the same way by any other person for the whole history of life on earth.
So why do you care if you fit in with another’s viewpoint or requirement or judgment when it contradicts your own? You are you. It is a great mystery. And it is a great revelation.
Two things help bring a shift into being, this shift in awareness that opens you up to recognition of your own unique worthiness, no matter what anyone, anywhere, ever does to you or says about you. One is to establish boundaries, and the other is to trust in your right to exist, the way you trusted it when you took your first breath.
In the image above there are different wavelengths. A multitude of wavelengths exists in the universe, some of which we witness in the visual and vibrational and electromagnetic spectrums. When wavelengths become synchronized, there is an identification one to the other, the presence of balance and equilibrium. We identify this for ourselves very successfully in our day-to-day experience. We know when we meet someone or talk to someone whether we are “in sync” with that person. We sense we are on the same wavelength. We feel a connection with the other person or a group that is visceral.
And when this happens, our inner light does not dim — it expands and becomes brighter. Our whole concept of who we are is transformed and expanded. The last thing we have to think about is pleasing someone else so we can fit in. We are already in tune with the vibrations of the exchange.
When this happens, we don’t have the feeling we must conform to please the people we are with. On the contrary, we feel our thoughts and ideas are received and we in turn are glad to receive from others — not because we think alike, no — that would be a limitation — but because in the exchange we are free to express ideas and thoughts that serve as catalysts and creative possibilities. What is achieved is not a sameness — instead, given the freedom to speak our own truth we encounter a synergy, so that what is being created is more than the sum of its parts, and each person’s contribution is valued. Agreement is not essential — freedom to create anew is.
When you find yourself in such a group or with such a person, there is no feeling of lack or limitation, no fear of not being enough. You understand you are enough and more.
People-pleasing is a soul-draining path. It does no one any good, including those we try to please under the false assumption it is what we have to do.
We may not always find ourselves living in this creative realm of synchronization, perhaps — after all, life happens in all kinds of unexpected ways. But we are meant to live some part of it in such freedom, for it teaches us how to shift into our truth. In knowing that we can seek and speak our truth, refusing to dim our inner light, we are able to help others, if only by our example, to do the same thing wherever they may be.
Your light is meant to shine everywhere, and it does, when you say yes to who you are and who you are meant to be. That is the gift to yourself, to your soul, and to this earth and all who live here with you.